I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
