this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
