From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize