she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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