If i come over, it means nothing
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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