I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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