So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I skipped work to stalk him.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
