All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
