made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They took my balls.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize