It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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