everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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