If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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