Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
