I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
