Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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