you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
