No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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