proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
