im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize