He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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