Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
