no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
