apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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