my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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