I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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