My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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