the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
