Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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