You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
