I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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