are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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