Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The uberlube is also flammable
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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