2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
