you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
