The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
