I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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