32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
