she woke up with a sticky ear
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
