BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
