We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
