i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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