You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
