She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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