my room smells like sperm. sweet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
