Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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