it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
