you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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