this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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