So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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