It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
