Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize