i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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