He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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