So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
