I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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