Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
