that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
