Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just gargled with NyQuil
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
