omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize