Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
