Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
