It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
