Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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