Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
