why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
