I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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