Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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