sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
