i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
