Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
