i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
